I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
