Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
