Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
