dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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