dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
