I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
