just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
