3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone came in the potted fern
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
