so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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