Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
