my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
