He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
