I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
