go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize