I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
