i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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