Already got asked if we're dating
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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