Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
