He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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