her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
