Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
