what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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