i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
