Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
