from now on my penis is your penis
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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