So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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