i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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