She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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