omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
