So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize