she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize