I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
