We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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