we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
