I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
