Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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