She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
