Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
