There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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