I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
