when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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