you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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