Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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