I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
