so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
