Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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