I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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