YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
