He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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