why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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