but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
