Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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