you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
