the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
