god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
