We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
