this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
