The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
