u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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