Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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