theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
