Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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