I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Blood and glitter go together right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
