Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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