i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
