I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
