my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
