tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize