Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
