About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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