i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
