his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
