if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
